Setting the Table

When my son was a newborn he would cry in twelve to sixteen hour bouts. My husband worked long hours and spent three hours a day commuting. He would come home from work and watch our son while I took a two hour nap. Since I was up all night the night before, for each day this was all the sleep I would get. Friends and family would call to check on our new baby and I would tell them what was happening. Most would reply, as if they hadn't heard a word I'd said, "Enjoy this time, it's when they sleep the most". (Grrrr)

We had only lived at our residence for barely a year and I hadn't really had time to meet our neighbors. Luckily one of them stopped by to say hello and congratulate us. It was obvious how tired I was and she could completely understand. She had been through something very similar with both of her sons. I commented that I couldn't imagine going through that twice. In a very comforting tone she told me this story:

She had a friend who she had known her whole life that only wanted to have one child. Her friend was certain of this. She grew up, got married and had one child. Something was missing though, actually someone was missing. Whenever she sat down at the table, and looked around, it seemed like someone was unaccounted for. So they had another child. Of course, this would be it, after all, she had started out only wanting one, right? Now there was a family of four. However, when they sat down to eat, once again, she could not get over feeling that someone else was still missing. So they had another child. Then, as she sat at the table and looked around, everyone was present. And that was the end of the story.

When our son was two and a half we realized our little boy had come down with autism. This was at the same time we became pregnant with twins. In the back of my mind I wondered how we would have enough time for him and twins. I had faith that everything would be fine, but I could not help but worry. When we lost the twins, we grieved for awhile, but at the same time it easier to accept knowing we would have more time for him. We spent about every moment we could working with him on speech, play, motor skills, research, etc. The twins became a memory.

Time went by, and so did many miracles. Our child has only a handful of issues left. The difficult two's were replaced by a very delightful preschooler. We've really come to enjoy this stage. The house is cluttered with toys and yet our busy little boy seems to get more entertainment out of boxes, pots and pans. Somehow it seems, that amongst the toys and clutter, there's room for one more little face.

One day at work, I commented on a coworkers family photo. He went on to tell me that his children were foster children and they were in the process of trying to adopt them. He said that lots of these children come up for adoption all of the time. I got that "Hmmmm" feeling. That night I nonchalantly told told Eddie about it, not mentioning the "Hmmm". But I could see he might be thinking the same thing. Soon after we went to an information meeting at the CPS office. We found out there would be alot of paperwork, classes, etc. We decided to wait a few months. That was one year ago. This last fall we completed the classes, interviews and paperwork. We just found out it's all been approved.

The luxury of going this route for our next child is that we can pick the gender and general age range. It just seems natural to have one in the toddler/preschool range so our children can play together. It would also be nice to have a girl, I don't think our house will still be standing with another boy in the mix. In many ways this is much like a pregnancy. On one hand, just because you get pregnant doesn't mean you'll be bringing home a baby and just because the paperwork is approved means the same thing. But it also brings the same excitement, what will our little girl look like? What will her temperament be? Will she be one of those little girls that wants everything pink or not? (I wasn't). Then, because we're adopting, there's a whole other set of questions. What if she has tall genes? (We're short). What if gluten is the only food she can eat? What if her name is "Vidalia Sue" or "Moonbeam"?

So now we wait and see what happens. Will the stork come to our house this year? Will there be another sippy cup to add to the table? If so, will she insist on a pink one?